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Okay, I feel like this has been in development for a long time. A women’s version may appear shortly (or sometime in the future). Maybe I’ll add a few articles in a few years after I’m old enough to know anything. Send comments with additions. Thanks to the UN for the inspiration on this one. And a big “F you” goes out to all those biz’nitches out there who inspired this by jacking over my friends, my relatives, and myself.
THE NEARLY-UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF RIGHTS OF THE HETEROSEXUAL MALE
Preamble: Limitation of Rights
The rights that are listed herein are applicable only to those males who do not revoke their rights by violating the rights of women. Men who commit such actions are to be termed “assholes” and can have the kind of women they deserve: transvestites.
Article I: Rights of the Dating Male
All men have the right to an immediate answer upon asking for a date. If the woman is busy, she should refuse politely and explain. If she is interested, she should agree to go on the date. The answer should be straightforward and honest, but never harsh.
A group date is not a date. A group date is avoiding a date. If the woman is asked for a one-on-one date, limiting her acceptance to a group date classifies as a dishonest answer. If a date is to be accepted by a woman, she should trust the male enough to see him in a private setting.
All men are entitled to give and receive courtesy. If a man opens a door for a woman, she should walk through it if possible. She is not entitled to consider such an act a challenge to her independence or empowerment.
If a woman has extreme convictions about concepts such as courtship or the “promised” system, the man is entitled to be fully informed of these beliefs before entering into a committed and exclusive relationship.
Article II: Rights of the Exclusively-Dating Male
A man is entitled to consider serious manipulation as an instance of infidelity. If a woman attempts to manipulate a man to exact changes in his personality, she is actually in love with a different man.
A woman may never request that a man spend more money on her. If a man is not showing his affection and care adequately, he should be informed in an open and clear fashion. A man’s money is his exclusive responsibility and prerogative until marriage.
Dating is not marriage. Dating exists to delay marriage until a fully-qualified decision has been made. A man has the right to date, and not to be married until his wedding.